Experiment: Internal dialogue


As an expiring author, I try to follow the recommendation by more experienced indie authors out there. One recommendation that I took was to participate in author’s book review exchange. So I did an exchange with this young guy from the States the book that he reviewed was my Princess: Nuance of Love book. In a lengthy review (Was it 500? 700 words? Don’t you have other things to do?), he basically called it sucky, shallow and unrelatable to the average reader as my book is about a royalty and lacks of internal dialogue and emotions.

I basically wanted to tell him to take his review and insert it profoundly into his orifice of which has never been touched by the majestic rays of sunlight (Literally: Stick it up your A$$, buddy!). For the following reasons:

  • South East Asia DOES have monarchies (did you sleep during geography classes?)
  • You wrote a book about demons (NO! There is no scientific proof that they exist!)
  • I know that the written fiction industry has its standard guidelines, but hey, that’s the point of going indie. My words, my way!

So today I am going to attempt to write an emotion filled internal dialogue split into 200 words for each emotion to prove to myself that my works do have depth.

As always, drop me a message if you have any comments………

Yellow

I run behind her as she leapt between the green grass of the park. Her long soft golden fur reflected the warm hue of the sunny afternoon. Her square ears bounced in rhythm with the bobbing of her head. Her four legs pounced and pranced as merry as could be.

I felt the round sphere in my hand, it was damp and a little bit dirty. But that was fine, it was a small price to pay for a fun day at the park. I raised my arm and threw the ball to the distance, taking care that it was towards the center of the park. Other dogs barked in excitement as they saw it flash before them. Not wanting to loose, she dashed to the direction of the ball, racing ahead of the crowd she leaped into the air as she caught the round bouncy object with her snout. I could see her eyes gleaming with pride as she ran back to me with her prized catch.

I smiled. I tossed my head back to remove the hair that fell in front of my face before extending my hand and grabbing her head for pat. She was breathing heavily, panting with her tongue stretched from her jaws. I fished my backpack for the bottle of water that I had brought along especially for her. She lapped the water with gratitude, the light in her hazel eyes seems to tell me that she was having a great time.

I streak of mischieve invaded me. I slapped my thighs gently with bot hands as I stood with my legs shoulder wide and my knees bent. This stance always gets her in a playful mood. She pranced from left to right, following my motion. I jumped forward and began to trot on the grass, pacing my step into a small jog, then I began to run. The sound of her panting was a signal that she was following close behind me.

She launched forward showing off at how she was faster. The small hill drained my energy as I began to tire of the up slope running. She observed me as if she was  mocking her two legged friend for my lack of physical vigor. I stopped abruptly as she circled around to face me. Again I stood with my legs shoulder wide, my knees bent and shifted my weight from one foot to another. Excitedly she followed my lead.

Feeling out of breath, I dropped on the grass. From the corner of my eyes, I could see her wagging tail near me as she sat down by my side. I quickly sat up. Grabbing both her ears and shaking her head. Both catching our breath, we sat side by side on the grass of that small hill.

In the distance, I can see the sun beginning to set behind the tall buildings that decorated the city’s skyline. The comforting warm afternoon breeze brushed my skin gently. I closed my eyes enjoying the spectacular before me. A beautiful ending for a fun filled afternoon.

Red

Unsuspectedly, the arrow of cupid hit my heart as if it was a giant bullseye. Although I know that my heart will be an easy target as it had already been struck by the same arrow once before.

It started with my eyes. My two eyes that caught sight of you as you stood in the doorway. Your long hair fell loosely behind you back covered by a sheer veil. The white dress you wore that day, framed your body perfectly. The perfect dress for the perfect bride. My bride.

My soul was filled with warmth, a warmth radiating from my heart upon seeing the beautiful woman standing at the other side of the aisle. As you began to walk slowly to the rhythm of the wedding march, I can feel the beating of my heart becoming faster and faster.

You smiled at me, that smile was the same smile that drew me to you two years ago. The kind, gentle, warm smile of a kind, gentle, warm woman who dedicates her life in nursing the sick to health. As you nursed me after the accident that I suffered on the first day we met. You were the light in my darkest day, the beacon in my obscure dispair.

I see your hands holding the flower bouquet in front of you. Those hands……, those hands that offer me comfort and support at the end of a long hard day at work. The hands that prepare my meal at the blessing of a brand new day.

Today we are here, standing in the chapel. Today we will both state our vows, the vows of love and eternity. Today, you will officially bear my name, you will be mine in the eyes of God and man. And today I will give you my life, my soul, my love. To forever be by your side, to have and to hold, for the rest of our days, in sickness and in health, in happiness and in sadness. Until the day, life separates us but to be joined together again until the end of time.

Blue

I lay awake in the darkness of the night, my ears could capture the distant sound of the seconds turning from the clock in the living room as with each tick resonated across the stillness of the atmosphere, I took a deep breath in anxiety and fretfulness born from my mind’s own contrivance. 

Fear is what I feel, the fear of closing my eyes and seeing your face materialize in my mind, the fear that if I don’t focus my hearing on the clock, I might hear the sound of your voice, the fear that my nose can still recall the smell of your skin as I inhale every breath, the fear that my lips will remember the taste of yours and the fear that my fingertips can still feel the soft hair on your chin that always fascinated me and inspire me to caress with affection.

What are you doing now? Do you still think of me as I think of you? Do the memories of our time together bring you joy as it does me? Do I mean as much to you as you do to me? Questions that rings in my head again and again.

I raise my hand that was lying limp beside my body and brought it to my chest, “It stings….” I whispered, “It stings every time the thought of you crosses my mind! It stings every time I breathe.”

A warm line developed on the side of my face as water trickled from my eyes. With my other hand, I wiped it away. brushing my lips that suddenly missed yours, I can taste the saltiness of my tears that wet my fingers.

Exhausted with my emotional turmoil, I could feel my consciousness leave my body, allowing me to fall into deep slumber. A restless sleep that will bring me to the next morning when I wake up to another day, another cycle of longing for you.

 

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6 thoughts on “Experiment: Internal dialogue

  1. I dont know what the reviewer said but I personally felt that Princess of Nuance was superb.I am an Indian though our country is a democracy but we still have many royalties living around the country. And the internal dialogue is something I can relate myself to. In some of the parts I could feel myself speaking those lines

  2. I like the Blue part. I can feel the emotion of broken heart and missing. Don’t mind the reviewer. Just consider he has different taste. I like how you can create the stories while introducing the Asian culture as well. So keep it up 🙂

  3. Hi beautiful,

    I appreciate all your effort in writing the Novel,My message to you is to keep your dreams alive and don’t be discouraged. As for the internal dialogues you posted today, They’re simply awesome.

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